(A living room. She stands, holding a list. He sits in a chair.)

DR. GIMPLE

Yogurt.

MRS. GIMPLE

Why yogurt?

DR. GIMPLE

I like yogurt. I love it.

MRS. GIMPLE

Since when?

DR. GIMPLE

Yesterday.

MRS. GIMPLE

You’ve never eaten yogurt. Suddenly you like it?

DR. GIMPLE

I’m changed. Get peach.

MRS. GIMPLE

Okay. Anything else?

(While she scribbles, he takes a peek at the list.)

DR. GIMPLE

Black cherry. Apricot if they have any.

MRS. GIMPLE

Anyting else?

DR. GIMPLE

Black beans.

MRS. GIMPLE

You don’t like beans.

DR. GIMPLE

Now I do.

MRS. GIMPLE

What’s wrong with you?

DR. GIMPLE

I don’t know. What do you think it is?

MRS. GIMPLE

You sound like your pregnant.

DR. GIMPLE

Maybe I am. In a sense. I had an unusual client yesterday. What kind of fruit do you have on that list?

MRS. GIMPLE

Apples and bananas.

DR. GIMPLE

Get pears and oranges.

MRS. GIMPLE

What’s the matter with you?

DR. GIMPLE

Nothing. I want pears and oranges.

MRS. GIMPLE

You complain about pears – and oranges – because they drip.

DR. GIMPLE

They taste good. I don’t mind dripping. I love pears and oranges. Get sardines.

MRS. GIMPLE

They stink!

DR. GIMPLE

Good. Get at least a dozen cans.

(She records this on her shopping list.)

MRS. GIMPLE

A dozen cans of sardines.

DR. GIMPLE

And any other cold water fish. Good for the memory.

MRS. GIMPLE

I don’t know which fish come from cold water.

DR. GIMPLE

Ask the guy in the fish department.

MRS. GIMPLE

He’s in high school.

DR. GIMPLE

Salmon. Canned.

MRS. GIMPLE

Okay. Better than sardines.

(She’s perplexed, but not amused.)

DR. GIMPLE

Are you laughing at me?

MRS. GIMPLE

No.

DR. GIMPLE

Sometimes you wear the stupidest grin on your face for no reason.

MRS. GIMPLE

Huh? You always said…what are you talking about?

DR. GIMPLE

You heard me.

MRS. GIMPLE

You say…you always said…you like my smile.

DR. GIMPLE

I know. It seems different now.

MRS. GIMPLE

You’re horrible.

DR. GIMPLE

I know. It’s what you want, isn’t it?

MRS. GIMPLE

No!

DR. GIMPLE

Honesty, right?

MRS. GIMPLE

No!

DR. GIMPLE

Okay then. It just struck me that way…in general…a stupid grin. Not today, in particular…just a constant sort of thing.

MRS. GIMPLE

What is wrong with you?

DR. GIMPLE

I don’t know. Things are changing for me. Have you ever thought what it would be like to wake up and not know anything about yourself…and suddenly you must invent yourself from scratch, from memory? Cottage cheese!

MRS. GIMPLE

Another food you don’t like.

DR. GIMPLE

Nixon loved cottage cheese with tomatoes. Get tomatoes.

MRS. GIMPLE

How about some bagels?

DR. GIMPLE

No thanks.

MRS. GIMPLE

What kind of bread should I get?

DR. GIMPLE

Doesn’t matter. No bread.

MRS. GIMPLE

You love bread.

DR. GIMPLE

Do I?

MRS. GIMPLE

Always.

DR. GIMPLE

Don’t get any bread.

MRS. GIMPLE

Coffee?

DR. GIMPLE

Not necessary.

(She walks to him and leans close.)

MRS. GIMPLE

Look at me.

DR. GIMPLE

No.

MRS. GIMPLE

I want to tell you something.

DR. GIMPLE

Tell it.

MRS. GIMPLE

Look.

DR. GIMPLE

No.

MRS. GIMPLE

I want you to hear this.

DR. GIMPLE

I’m listening. Say it!

(She takes a blank piece of paper from the pad and writes. She gives him the paper and he reads what she wrote.)

DR. GIMPLE

You are out of your mind.

(accepting this casually)

I know.

MRS. GIMPLE

Psychiatrists need…therapy…for themselves.

DR. GIMPLE

Do we?

MRS. GIMPLE

You’ve always told me that.

DR. GIMPLE

Do I?

MRS. GIMPLE

You say it goes with the territory.

DR. GIMPLE

Does it?

MRS. GIMPLE

You’ve gone a long while.

DR. GIMPLE

Have I?

MRS. GIMPLE

Call somebody.

DR. GIMPLE

There’s no one to call.

MRS. GIMPLE

No! Call somebody! You know good ones all over the place.

DR. GIMPLE

So I do.

(He stares at the ceiling. She stops, studies him.)

MRS. GIMPLE

How’s the weather up there?

DR. GIMPLE

Fine, a little cool.

MRS. GIMPLE

I’m going now.

DR. GIMPLE

So you are.

MRS. GIMPLE

I’ll be back shortly.

DR. GIMPLE

So you will. Say, about that stupid grin.

MRS. GIMPLE

Oh.

DR. GIMPLE

It’s not stupid, really.

MRS. GIMPLE

Okay.

DR. GIMPLE

I mean, it’s really not, is it? I suppose I’d call it a ridiculous grin. It represents, you know, some sort of false impression you have of yourself. Ridiculous, yes. That describes it. Common sort of thing, don’t you think? Onions!