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Ten Minute
Plays
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?
By Sam Post
CHARACTERS
SALLY An attractive, community theatre diva. In a
mid-life crisis. Late 40's, trying, of course,
for a younger look.
WESLEY A serious, successful young man trying to
find his way. Acting against his better
judgement, he is presently in the throws of the
passion of theatre, spring, and senioritis (that
is, he's a high school senior). He's 18.
RITA Wesley's mother. She's wearing her nightgown,
ready for bed. Late 40's.
Sally and Wesley enjoy a romantic
moment on the couch. They relax,
basking in the dim afterglow of a
performance at which the lights were
bright upon them.
He sits on the couch while she reclines
-- her head propped with a pillow, her
legs across his lap. Wesley holds a
glass of wine. Sally's glass, and the
bottle, are on the coffee table, within
easy reach.
SALLY
Ummmmm.
WESLEY
What?
(Sally is swept away by the
joy of her evening and the
bounty of the moment. As if
to make an existential comment
on her life, his life, and all
the things that make life
worth living, she exhales a
long sigh, filled with pure
pleasure and relaxation.)
Sally
This.
WESLEY
Need another pillow?
(He reaches for the pillow, to
his right.)
SALLY
I don't need a thing.
(She reaches for her wine and
takes a sip and leans back
again.)
SALLY
This is perfection. Can you smell the azalea blossoms?
(His mind is on anything but
azalea blossoms, but he tries
to feign appreciation.)
WESLEY
I think so.
SALLY
So lovely. So brief. So...vulnerable. The mixture of
dogwood and azalea. My mother planted those.
(She sings.)
SALLY
"Somewhere in my youth, or childhood."
(He turns and moves his lips
very close to hers. They look
dreamily into each other's
eyes and sing together.)
WESLEY and SALLY
"I must have done something good."
(a bit more distance between
them)
SALLY
That was such a good show tonight. Wondrous, wasn't it?
WESLEY
Our best night.
SALLY
What was wrong with the audience?
WESLEY
Fuck the audience.
(She breaks into laughter over
this. After a moment, when
the laughter subsides, he
leans over and they kiss.)
Sally
You're a doll.
WESLEY
I like you pretty good too.
(The phone rings.)
WESLEY
Don't answer it.
SALLY
You think I shouldn't answer it?
WESLEY
Please don't.
(He leans over and kisses her
until the phone stops
ringing.)
SALLY
You're so amazing.
WESLEY
So are you.
(The phone rings again. She
begins to reach for it and he
stops her.)
SALLY
I think I better.
WESLEY
Don't.
(He tries to kiss her but she
refuses.)
SALLY
It could be one of my children.
WESLEY
Or your husband.
SALLY
(snapping, with confidence)
It's not him.
(She picks up the phone.)
Hello.
(Here, a second location is
introduced. This can be done
with lighting, such that the
lights come up on Rita. Or,
Rita can bring a chair on
stage and situate herself
opposite Sally and Wesley.
She's nervous. It also might
work if Rita is on stage the
whole time, pacing before and
between dials.)
RITA
Sally? This is Rita.
(An abrupt break in Sally's
mood.)
SALLY
Hi!
RITA
Hope I didn't call too late.
SALLY
No -- of course not.
RITA
I knew with the show you'd almost surely be up -- if you were
home yet.
SALLY
Sure. Of course.
(Sally rises from the couch
and moves away from Wesley.
She keeps her eyes down,
focusing fully on the phone
conversation. Rita stands up
and begins to slowly pace,
also looking down -- such that
both women are pacing the
floor as they talk.)
RITA
Actually, that's sort of why I called, to see if you were
home.
SALLY
Here I am.
RITA
You didn't have a cast party tonight?
SALLY
We all went up to Centros.
RITA
Wesley's not home yet. You think he's up there?
SALLY
He probably is.
RITA
Were there a lot of people still there when you left?
SALLY
Quite a few.
RITA
Was Wesley there?
SALLY
Wesley? Uh, yeah -- I think he was. As a matter of fact,
I'm sure he was.
RITA
So he's probably still there.
SALLY
Probably.
RITA
I'm a little worried about him.
SALLY
Oh -- I wouldn't. He'll probably be home soon. I left maybe
half hour ago and I doubt they'll stay a lot longer.
(Wesley rises and pours
himself more wine. He lights
a cigarette and sits down in
another chair.)
RITA
(anxious)
You think he was drinking? I mean, theatre is such a great
experience for him, but there are some partiers in that
group. He's eighteen and he seems awfully adult, but it's
kind of a fake sophistication, you know? Kids these days are
learning things they don't understand. I mean, he's still in
high school. He has school tomorrow morning and here it's
after--
SALLY
Now Rita, calm down.