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Ten Minute Plays

© 1998,99,00 by Samuel M. Post

DINAH

What are you doing?

MATT

Eating pizza.

DINAH

Just the cheese?

MATT

And pepperoni. That’s how I always eat it.

DINAH

Not even a bite of dough?

MATT

I don’t like it.

DINAH

Well, if you don’t start eating the dough and the crust, I’ll stop buying the pizza. You throw away as much food as you eat.

MATT

I don’t care.

DINAH

There are children in North Korea who are starving.

MATT

I still don’t care.

 

 

DINAH

There are people — right here — within two blocks of here — classmates of yours — who would love a pizza.

MATT

So what?

DINAH

There are people who can’t afford pizza.

MATT

Who cares?

DINAH

There are families who wouldn’t dream of wasting a piece of pizza.

MATT

Big deal.

DINAH

Families...

...with brothers and sisters — and the kids would fight over the last piece.

MATT

Well, I don’t have any brothers or sisters. I always get the last piece.

DINAH

There are Russians who would give anything...

MATT

I don’t care about them either!

DINAH

Matt...I want you to think a little deeper.

MATT

Huh?

DINAH

You should appreciate the abundance of whole pizza. It’s your obligation. Don’t squander it. Appreciate our prosperity. Not everybody is lucky enough to be an only child.

MATT

You’re mostly talking to yourself. Whatever it is you’re trying to tell me...just get it over with and say it.

DINAH

You have too much.

MATT

We don’t have much.

DINAH

We have plenty.

MATT

I don’t think so. I don’t think we have much at all. Daddy always went to the grocery store and got extra cheese. Then he had the oven already hot when he brought it in and he sprinkled the extra cheese all over the top and put in the pizza so it came out better. Sometimes he got extra mushrooms. It was better! Much better!

DINAH

He put extra cheese on it one time. One, single time.

MATT

He did it lots of times. Two hundred, at least.

DINAH

No, he didn’t. But you’ve thought about it so much — you’ve replayed having pizza with your Daddy so many times in your memory that you’ve multiplied the experience and now it seems like two hundred times.

MATT

I like extra cheese.

DINAH

I could have just brought home a hunk of cheese and a pack of pepperoni, you know. Why pay for something you’re not going to eat?

MATT

You tried that. It didn’t taste the same. Just get extra cheese. That’s simple enough. Extra cheese. Then microwave it in a coffee mug until it completely melts and pour it all over the top of the pizza. Daddy did that, too — and it works.

 

DINAH

I’m not Daddy.

MATT

I know.

Why did God kill Daddy?

DINAH

God did not kill Daddy. He was in an accident.

MATT

God made the accident.

DINAH

No. That’s not it.

MATT

Why didn’t God stop the accident?

DINAH

Quit saying that!

MATT

Then answer me!

DINAH

I told you. That accident was a random physical event in time and space.

MATT

A what?

DINAH

A neutral, normal occurrence in objective history.

MATT

Huh?

DINAH

It happened. It’s over. Nothing can be done about it. But you and I are still alive. That’s what concerns me. You. Me. People. There’s no such thing as God.

 

MATT

You don’t think so?

DINAH

No. And neither do you.

MATT

Because we’re atheists, right?

DINAH

Yes we are.

MATT

Our guidance counselor told me that if I don’t believe in God, then Daddy will be in hell.

DINAH

Talking with a guidance counselor is good. I, myself, counsel people all the time. I believe in counselling. But she shouldn’t discuss religion with you. It’s unethical.

MATT

She is not.

DINAH

You don’t know what it means to be unethical.

MATT

I just don’t think the guidance counselor is one.

DINAH

It’s not right. It’s wrong, according to...

MATT

God?

DINAH

Ethics! She’s not supposed to comfort you that way, with unrealistic notions of God. Not in that setting.

MATT

Sitting?

DINAH

Setting!

MATT

She lets me stand up.

 

 

 

 

DINAH

Never mind. That guidance counselor of yours surely shouldn’t tell you that your beliefs could land your daddy in hell. That’s too much responsibility for a child. She is a government employee.

MATT

She is not. She’s a guidance counselor.

DINAH

What’s her name, anyway?

MATT

Mrs. Rankum.

DINAH

Mrs. Rankum ought to be disciplined for that.

MATT

I’m the one who brought it up. I want Daddy to be in heaven.

DINAH

There’s no such thing as heaven. It’s like the Land of Oz. Mother Goose.

MATT

We believe that?

DINAH

We don’t believe in heaven, but we do believe in responsibility. Thus, if there were a heaven, your Daddy would have had to get himself there; your belief wouldn’t help him.

MATT

Then where is Daddy?

DINAH

He’s dead.

MATT

But he’s got to be somewhere.

DINAH

Not really. Well, technically, the ashes from his body are in the urn.

MATT

Where’s his soul? My guidance counselor said his soul is still alive. Where’s it?

DINAH

We don’t believe in the existence of the soul.

MATT

I don’t even know what a soul is.

DINAH

A part of every person that keeps on living. But we don’t believe in it.

MATT

I believe in it.

DINAH

No you don’t.

MATT

The hell I don’t.

DINAH

Don’t talk that way.

MATT

You do it.

DINAH

No I don’t.

MATT

There is a soul.

DINAH

Ah! Show me one. Show me one soul.

MATT

I can’t. I don’t know anything about God. You never took me to Sunday school. You won’t even let me watch the preachers on TV.

DINAH

They’re lunatics!

MATT

I don’t know the stuff the other kids know.

DINAH

And that’s the way it should be.

MATT

God says there is a soul, Mamma! And Daddy had one, and it’s in heaven now.

DINAH

When did God tell you that?

MATT

God didn’t tell me.

DINAH

Who’d he tell?

MATT

Other people.

DINAH

Has he ever said anything to you?

MATT

No.

DINAH

Then how do you know those other people didn’t make it up?

MATT

Why would somebody make up God?

DINAH

So they can then make up a place for him to live — heaven. So they have something to say to little boys when their daddies are killed in automobile accidents. So those little boys can think their daddies have souls that live on. So people can try to make those little boys feel better.

What’re you doing?

MATT

I’m going to step on the pizza.

DINAH

No you’re not.

MATT

Yes I am.

DINAH

That pizza costs money. That represents my labor.

MATT

I’m stepping in it.

DINAH

Get down. Right now.

A person’s labor represents a person’s...essence! If you step on that pizza, you’re stepping on me. Don’t you dare!

I mean it. Right now.

Don’t let that foot get any closer.

Young man, you’re going to pay dearly for this.

This is your last chance. Either get down off that table or I’ll get you down.

DINAH

What is that?

MATT

A sandwich.

 

DINAH

You’re making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Now? At five thirty? Right when I get home and you know I’m going to fix dinner?

MATT

I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?

DINAH

Meatloaf. The way you like it best. Not spicy.

MATT

French fries or mash potatoes?

DINAH

Mash potatoes.

MATT

I’ll eat that too. Make it.

DINAH

What you need is some knowledge of the world. You need to know that there are people in this world who don’t have everything they want. People who would love to have the things you have.

MATT

Nobody would want what I have. Just make the meatloaf.

DINAH

You’re wrong! You don’t appreciate what you have.

MATT

I sure don’t.

DINAH

How could a person as positive as I am, a person who believes in doing good things for people, a person in a helping profession — a natural born giver, which is what I am — raise a child as negative as you are?

MATT

Uuuuuu.

DINAH

You remember that last time I spent the night down at the homeless shelter?

MATT

Yeah.

DINAH

I met this man down there — Zack Davis. He’s got a college degree. He’s got a job. But his house burned down and his family left him. He’s got nothing but the clothes on his back.

MATT

Why doesn’t he get another house?

DINAH

He doesn’t have the money for one. I gave him some of your Daddy’s clothes to help him out.

MATT

I want Daddy’s clothes.

DINAH

They’re too big for you.

MATT

I still want them.

DINAH

Styles change. You’ll never wear them.

MATT

But they’re Daddy’s. You can’t give them away. How did you get them out of his room? You said you weren’t going in there.

Did you go in there?

DINAH

No. I didn’t go in.

MATT

Then how did you get his clothes out? You went in there!

DINAH

Your Aunt Nan went in and brought them out.

MATT

Are we going to stay out of his room forever?

DINAH

For awhile.

MATT

Momma, please. Leave Daddy’s stuff.

DINAH

I won’t take out anymore. Your Daddy would have wanted me to help a man like Zack, a man who doesn’t have the things your Daddy had — a family and a home.

MATT

It feels like Daddy’s still here, a little. As long as we don’t move his stuff around.

DINAH

From now on, I’ll leave his stuff alone.

MATT

I will too.

DINAH

You know, Matt. I do things that will keep your father here, in memory. Like today, I spoke to a high school class about safe driving.

MATT

That doesn’t help me remember him.

DINAH

I make contributions to humanistic charities in your father’s memory. I try to keep your daddy alive.

MATT

Well, he isn’t.

DINAH

I talk about what a good person he was. I let the good works he did in his life inspire me to do good work in mine.

MATT

I’d rather have his clothes, Mamma. Please. Don’t give his clothes all away. I want to get in them one day and wear them myself. It’ll be like getting in his skin. You say Daddy’s alive; well, then he wants me to do that.

DINAH

I won’t give away the clothes.

 

DINAH

You watch way too much TV. Is there anything you do besides go to school and watch TV?

MATT

No.

DINAH

Look at you. You’re listless. You’re pathetic. You never get exercise. You don’t run...sweat...breath hard. Why aren’t you outside playing ball with the other boys?

MATT

I’d rather watch TV. Nobody likes to play ball.

DINAH

There are kids your age in the driveway across the street! Playing basketball!

I can see them from here.

MATT

Oh, them. They’re a bunch of freaks.

DINAH

Matt! No name calling. You know how I feel about that.

MATT

Yeah.

DINAH

Generalizations like that cut you off from the world. They make life cold.

MATT

You’re kind of a freak too.

DINAH

What were you eating?

MATT

Peanut butter sandwich.

DINAH

Eating and watching TV?

MATT

Yep.

DINAH

Do you think that’s healthy?

MATT

I don’t care.

DINAH

I’m disgusted with you!

MATT

I don’t care about that either.

DINAH

Go outside!

MATT

And do what?

DINAH

Play!

MATT

Play what?

DINAH

Anything.

MATT

There’s nothing to play out there.

DINAH

You can play ball. You’ve got a football. You’ve got a baseball. You’ve even got a tennis racket.

MATT

Those aren’t fun. If we had a computer I’d play that.

DINAH

That’s why we don’t have a computer. I want you outside. Go climb a tree!

MATT

Last time I climbed a tree, you told me to get off it.

DINAH

That tree is too small for you. You’ll break the limbs.

MATT

That’s the only tree we’ve got that’s good for climbing.

DINAH

If that’s the only thing you want to do outside, is climb that one tree that you’re going to break — then go ahead and climb it.

MATT

I don’t want to.

DINAH

Listen. Zack Davis is coming over here.

MATT

Who is he?

DINAH

The guy from the homeless shelter. I told you about him. The clothes — remember?

MATT

So he’ll be wearing Daddy’s clothes?

 

 

DINAH

He could be. They’re his clothes now. He doesn’t have any others.

MATT

I don’t want him to come here. Are you gonna marry him?

DINAH

No! Is that what you’re afraid of?

MATT

Yeah, a little. That and other things.

DINAH

He’s coming here for dinner.

MATT

What’re we having?

DINAH

Chicken.

MATT

Fried?

DINAH

No.

MATT

Why not!

DINAH

Because of the fat.

MATT

Who cares?

DINAH

I do.

MATT

It tastes better.

DINAH

I will broil that chicken.

MATT

Please don’t broil it!

 

DINAH

If you complain again, I’ll boil it.

MATT

I might not eat it.

DINAH

That’s fine.

MATT

Broiled chicken and Zack Davis. Shit.

DINAH

Young man, don’t you talk that way.

MATT

Okay. Broiled chicken and Zack Davis. Shoot.

DINAH

Zack Davis is a man, Matt, who’s had some bad luck and needs some help.

MATT

He took Daddy’s clothes. I don’t want to help him.

DINAH

By inviting him here, we get to do a good deed.

MATT

I don’t want to do a good deed.

DINAH

You need to do a few.

MATT

I don’t feel like it.

DINAH

Whenever you feel bad, the best way to feel better is to give something to someone else.

MATT

I don’t feel like that either.

DINAH

You and I have not been feeling so good, so I thought it might be good for both of us to give something.

 

 

MATT

Can’t we give him something without him coming over here to get it?

DINAH

That’s the point. Coming here is our gift. We’re giving of ourselves. Our love. Our home. He doesn’t have one of his own.

MATT

I wish he’d get one.

JAMIE

So do I. I want to help him with that.

MATT

What’s he going to do when he’s here?

DINAH

Maybe watch TV. Maybe you two can throw football or something. And we’ll give him a great big meal. He’s just a normal person like anybody else. Only difference is, he doesn’t have a home.

MATT

I hate him.

DINAH

That’s no way to be!

MATT

But I do.

DINAH

You don’t know him at all.

MATT

Why does he want to come here and eat? Just ‘cause he’s got no home? Can’t he go somewhere else?

DINAH

Matt, you’re going to treat him nice. You’re going to treat him especially nice. Zack Davis is handicapped.

MATT

Huh? Zack Davis is handicapped?

DINAH

Yes, so you’re going to be nice to him.

MATT

Zack Davis is handicapped, eh? I didn’t know that. What kind of handicap?

DINAH

He can’t talk.

MATT

Why not?

DINAH

His jaw won’t move.

MATT

Why won’t it move?

DINAH

I don’t know.

MATT

I’ll ask him.

DINAH

You will do no such thing.

MATT

If I’m supposed to be his friend, and play ball with him, and let him come here for dinner — then I want to know why his jaw won’t move.

DINAH

You will show respect.

MATT

Yeah.

Can he hear?

DINAH

Yes. He can hear.

MATT

So I can talk to him.

DINAH

Oh, he has excellent listening skills.

 

MATT

He just can’t talk back to me.

DINAH

Right.

MATT

So I can say anything I want to Zack Davis, and he can’t ever answer.

DINAH

Yeah.

MATT

I might like Zack Davis after all.

 

DINAH

Zack, I’ve done a lot of thinking about your jaw. It hasn’t been that way for too terribly long, has it?

Less than five years?

Less than three years?

Less than two years?

Between two and three years.

Two and a half long years. I’m sure that affected your marriage — not being able to talk at all.

That’s the reason it ended. Isn’t it?

 

Was your marriage stressed after you lost your house in the fire?

You couldn’t scream "fire!" like you needed to. And you couldn’t talk to 911.

It’s tragic.

MATT

What’d you do — just call 911 and beat the phone against a table or something?

 

DINAH

And when all of it is said and done...after the insurance settlement, the broken family, the divorce, the nights spent in a homeless shelter...have you ever seen a jaw specialist?

Have you ever even seen a good doctor about steps you might take to get your speech back?

Our health care system is so convoluted.

Just like our educational system, and our government. Most companies. Any system.

It’s the size of our bureaucracy and the tone it creates. Are you a democrat or a republican?

I took the liberty of discussing your situation with a few doctors, and I’ve made you an appointment with one of the top jaw specialists on the East Coast. An expert.

 

MATT

A jaw expert?

DINAH

A physician. A doctor of the jaw.

MATT

A jaw doctor? All he cares about are jaws?

DINAH

He’s a she, and that’s it. She just sees jaws.

MATT

So she’s a doctor, but if you hurt your foot and show it to her, she wouldn’t even look at it.

DINAH

She might. But she’d send you to a different doctor. She doesn’t really look at feet. If it’s not a jaw, she’s not that interested.

MATT

Is her name Dr. Jaw?

DINAH

Her name is Dr. Joanna Sloan.

Zack. We’re going to help you. We’re going to help you talk again. No matter how long it takes. No matter what surgery is required. No matter how painful it is, we’re going to be patient and understanding, and we’re going to be here for you — listening. We’re going to see you become whole again.

Zack?

Zack, do you understand what I’m saying to you?

SLOAN

It’s more than the jaw, really. You could talk a little if it were just the jaw. Your tongue acts like it’s frozen. Can you eat?

Can you make sounds? I know you can’t talk, but you must be able to make some sort of sound.

Usually I can tell pretty quickly if I need to restrict the motion of the joint, replace the joint, fuse the joint, inject something into the joint, remove the joint, or break and set the joint — but in this case, nothing really jumps out at me. It looks to me like you could talk.

DINAH

He can’t say a word, can you Zack?

SLOAN

You know, Dinah, jaws are undervalued in our society. No one gives them a thought unless they don’t work.

DINAH

Typical.

SLOAN

We use them all the time. And — they’re more interesting than people think. Zack here has a fascinating jaw, and it’s one I’d like to see a lot more of.

DINAH

He’s open to experimental treatments.

 

 

SLOAN

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. I understand how this could sound a bit like exploitation, given his tragic loss of speech — but I find Zack’s jaw a challenge. I would like to continue to see Zack until he talks again. Of course, there is one thing I think we ought to rule out.

DINAH

What’s that?

SLOAN

The Lord.

DINAH

Huh?

SLOAN

Dinah, my father was a truck driver. He had no use for the Lord and, to be honest, he was not a nice man. I used to be afraid of him. Then, one day, he found himself in the middle of a tent revival.

DINAH

What does this have to do with Zack’s jaw?

 

SLOAN

Let me tell you. I don’t know how my father got to that revival — probably wandering around drunk and got lost. But he heard things at that meeting that opened up his heart, made him stop drinking, and changed his capacity to provide for his family and love other human beings. I wouldn’t be here right now — as a doctor of the jaw — if my father had not gone to that revival meeting. And you wouldn’t be here. One thing connects to another. I think Zack was meant to be here with me today. I think Zack should go to a meeting and just see. Just see, if there might be a cure in it for him. After all, he’s not in pain. He just needs...capacity.

DINAH

I’ve never heard such foolishness from a doctor. Have you forgotten who you are?

SLOAN

Of course I haven’t.

DINAH

You’re supposed to be a scientist!

 

SLOAN

Of course. But that doesn’t give me the power to dethrone the Almighty — despite the questionable activities of some of my colleagues.

DINAH

You’re a religious fanatic cloaked as a doctor.

SLOAN

I’m a doctor who believes patients share the responsibility.

DINAH

Let’s go, Zack. There are other jaw specialists.

 

ZACK

Kid, your mother is a nice lady, but she can be a real pain in the ass sometimes — you know that?

MATT

Is that why you tell her you can’t talk?

X

ZACK

Nah. I tell everybody that.

MATT

I could tell people you can talk.

ZACK

You could, but you’d be better off if you didn’t.

MATT

What would you do to me, Zack?

ZACK

First of all, nobody will believe you. Second, I might kill you.

MATT

Why do you want people to think you can’t talk?

ZACK

It makes life easier. I used to be a teacher.

 

MATT

A talking teacher?

ZACK

Sure. But my voice got so tired every day. One day I lost it. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. That was the day I made my glorious discovery. Since that day, my life has held...well — a lot less stress. So, I’ve pretended, ever since, that my voice never came back.

MATT

You couldn’t be a teacher if you couldn’t talk.

ZACK

Ah, that was the point. But I also had this little jewel called tenure.

MATT

Huh?

ZACK

Job security.

MATT

What kind of jewel is that? Do you wear it around your neck?

ZACK

It means I had choices: I could not work at all and collect disability, or I could take a job as an administrator and get a raise. Naturally, I took the administrative position.

MATT

They don’t have to talk?

ZACK

Nah. I ran the Xerox in the school system’s auxiliary office center. That machine was a monster. Not just anybody has the intelligence to learn how to use it. I couldn’t talk, but I was the expert when it came to running that damn copy machine.

MATT

You had a job making copies?

ZACK

Making copies. Kid, sometimes I turned out over ten thousand copies a day. Of course, the machine did all the work. I just read magazines and refilled the paper.

MATT

With a job like that, you shouldn’t have to live in a homeless shelter.

ZACK

It’s my wife’s fault. She caught me talking in my sleep! I don’t even know what I said! But since I had let the house burn down rather than talk, that pissed her off like you would not believe.

MATT

I say stuff all the time that pisses off my mom.

ZACK

You’re mom’s not right in the head.

MATT

I know.

ZACK

But my wife — that woman was poison — she kicked me out of that apartment we had moved into. Then she called my boss. My own wife ratted me out.

MATT

Because of what you said in your sleep?

ZACK

Because I could talk!

MATT

That’s not fair.

ZACK

Well, you know — that’s how I had gotten the administrative position. So when they found out I could talk — they fired me quick after that. They wanted to fire me anyway because, well, it’s inconvenient having a guy around who can’t talk. Sad but true: there’s a bit of prejudice against non-talking people. I like being mute, but it makes people feel antsy. So here I am.

MATT

Then they know you can talk.

 

 

 

 

 

ZACK

Kid, nobody can prove anything. Nobody heard me talk. I’ll deny it from here on out. By my way of thinking, if I have a choice between humiliation with pity, and humiliation with embarrassment, I’ll take the humiliation and the pity. You can do something with pity. Embarrassment is a pain in the ass.

MATT

I don’t understand you, but I know you’re a liar.

ZACK

It doesn’t matter. Who isn’t? Most people think I’m telling the truth. Or rather, they think I’m not lying, because I’m not saying anything. Try it. You’ll find out that you can change the truth pretty easily. The truth of the situation is this: you choose the truth.

MATT

It would be hard to lie about not being able to talk.

ZACK

You’d be surprised. Accuse a mute guy of lying and most people laugh at you. You know I talk. Tell somebody.

MATT

Who?

ZACK

Anybody. He’ll think you’re a liar. My ex-wife knows. I stay away from her and don’t ask her for anything. It’s her word against mine, and hers sounds a lot sillier. So — sometimes I can talk. Sometimes I can’t. Who’s to say both aren’t true? The boss I got now isn’t sure — but he doesn’t really care.

MATT

I thought you got fired for being able to talk?

ZACK

Got another job.

MATT

Doing what?

 

 

 

 

 

ZACK

Rackin’ balls down at the pool hall. No talking; just rackin’. What difference does it make, kid? Your momma thinks I can’t talk; she’s giving me clothes and food, and maybe a place to live — for free. Maybe I am a liar and a bum, Kid — but pity works, as long as you’ve got the intelligence to keep all of your victims finely tuned.

Hey, Kid, this jacket is all right.

MATT

That’s my daddy’s jacket!

ZACK

It’ll be mine as soon as I ask your momma for it.

MATT

She said she’s not giving away anymore of Daddy’s clothes.

ZACK

Kid, your Daddy’s dead. He doesn’t need a jacket like this where he is.

MATT

Where is he?

ZACK

Where is he?

MATT

Yeah. Is he in heaven?

ZACK

Well, I didn’t know him. But if he’s like your mamma, he’d be in hell. That’s where she’s going. And the way she’s raising you — with all that atheist, communist, humanist, secular, do-gooder shit — you’ll be going there too.

MATT

My Daddy won’t go to hell. He was good...good! — in lots of ways.

 

 

ZACK

Kid, it’s not like going to jail, where a hundred different things will get you there. It’s basically a cut and dried proposition. You just fire one question at a man’s heart and either he answers yes or he answers no.

Did your daddy fear the Lord?

MATT

Yes! Yes! I know he did.

ZACK

Then you better start fearing too. Otherwise — say he’s with the good Lord and you follow in your mother’s footsteps and end up in hell — you could never see your daddy again.

MATT

Tell me what to do. Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.

ZACK

Well, for one thing, you need to stop concerning yourself with material objects. Like this jacket. Your daddy’s spirit is with God. This is a piece of cloth. For you to get so worked up about physical things means the devil’s got you by the balls. He’s got you worshipping him and you don’t even know it.

Second thing: you don’t know how to pray.

MATT

Teach me, Zack. Teach me how to pray. Please.

ZACK

I will, but you’re not ready yet.

MATT

How do I get ready?

ZACK

You prepare to pray by carefully observing nature.

MATT

Where is it?

ZACK

Outside! Just go outside and observe it. Take notice. Look at the flowers. Watch how the stems of grass come out of the soil. Listen to the birds and watch how they talk to each other. Just take in some of God’s work. That’s the first step.

MATT

Okay.

ZACK

You don’t play outside much, do you?

MATT

Not really.

ZACK

Most boys your age like it outside. Hell, my clothes are dirtier than yours.

MATT

Because you spend more time observing nature?

ZACK

Exactly. I’m a keen observer of nature. So go! Get outside. Hey, get some fresh air, too, while you’re out there. Take some deep breaths. You’ll be prepared to pray in no time.

ZACK

Hey, what’d I tell you about sitting on your ass and watching TV?

MATT

You said to go outside and observe nature.

ZACK

Then get the hell out there and observe it.

 

MATT

After this show.

ZACK

The hell! Now!

MATT

I watch this every day.

ZACK

Son, didn’t we discuss this whole thing?

MATT

Yeah.

ZACK

You need to observe nature, even touch it, in order to prepare your spirit for prayer. Pretty soon, you’ll feel God’s presence. And since your daddy’s in heaven with Him — you’ll be able to talk to Him. It’ll be just like your daddy is here in this room with you.

MATT

Will I see him?

ZACK

Sure you will.

MATT

Will he be all fuzzy or clear?

ZACK

Depends on how hard you pray. Anyhow, I told your mamma I’d get you out of the house. I’m here to help you, and I don’t want to kick your ass in order to do it, but I will if I have to.

MATT

How’d you tell that to my momma if you pretend to her you can’t talk?

ZACK

Your Momma and I communicate just fine.

MATT

There’s nothing to do outside. I just don’t see God when I observe nature. Don’t some people read the Bible? Couldn’t I try that?

 

ZACK

They’re a bunch of hypocrites. I tell you what works for me. Look at water. Water is a powerful force.

MATT

Water is boring.

ZACK

No, water if everything. It creates life, absorbs life, inhabits life, destroys it, covers it, rots it, and heals it. If you get real still and stare at it for a long time, you’ll see God, and you might see your father.

You know where any water is?

MATT

There’s a pond down at the bottom of the street. It’s small, but it’s...pure water.

ZACK

That’ll do. Here where we live, we have to make more of an effort to be near to God. Ever notice how people who live near the ocean are more spiritual?

MATT

No.

ZACK

Take my word for it. They are. And it’s because they see the water every day. They smell it and breathe it. It’s like having God rushing through your veins all the time.

MATT

I’ll try it.

ZACK

Gimme that remote.

DINAH

Zack, you’re still here. Would you like to stay for dinner again?

I’ve got a bottle of wine. Do you drink wine?

Where’s Matt?

Outside?

Wonderful! Fresh air. Maybe he won’t be so pale anymore. I knew you’d be a good influence on him.

MATT

Hi Mom.

DINAH

Zack’s here.

MATT

I know.

DINAH

Maybe you two would like to play catch while I fix dinner.

MATT

Nah.

DINAH

It would be great for you.

 

 

MATT

I saw him!

ZACK

Huh?

MATT

I saw him!

ZACK

Saw who?

MATT

Daddy! In the water.

ZACK

See — there you go. I told you, huh?

MATT

He was trying to talk to me, but I couldn’t hear him.

ZACK

Hey, stick with me, Kid. You’ll be talking with him, playing ball with him. Going to the movies. Did you try jumping in the lake?

MATT

It’s too steep, and I can’t swim. I don’t think I could get out.

ZACK

You can’t swim...can your daddy swim?

MATT

Sure.

ZACK

Maybe he can help you.

MATT

I didn’t see him that clear.

 

ZACK

He kind of comes and goes?

MATT

Yeah.

ZACK

That’s normal for a guy in heaven. I’m sure he’ll catch you if you jump in, but make sure you see him clear as a picture when you do it.

 

MATT

Hey, how’d you get in here?

ZACK

Your momma gave me my own key.

MATT

You’re not supposed to smoke in here.

ZACK

It’s not your house, it’s your momma’s.

MATT

She’s the one who doesn’t let people smoke in here.

ZACK

Then don’t tell her I smoked in here. And let her tell me not to.

MATT

I think I’ve observed enough nature to start praying now.

ZACK

How in the hell can you think that?

MATT

I’ve been sitting by the lake everyday, staring at my daddy in the water.

ZACK

Cross-legged?

MATT

Do you have to sit cross legged?

ZACK

It’s a good way to sit.

MATT

My daddy never sat cross legged.

ZACK

Not your daddy. You!

MATT

I never sit that way.

ZACK

How do you sit — when you’re seeing your daddy in the water?

MATT

Usually I’m lying there on my stomach.

ZACK

That won’t work. There are ways to sit when a person prays. You’re just lying there.

MATT

So how do you sit?

ZACK

You can sit cross-legged. You can kneel in a couple of different ways. You can bow. You can stoop. But you can’t just lie on your stomach.

MATT

Well, I’m observing nature, anyway. I think I’m ready.

ZACK

How can you be ready if you can’t even get your body in the right position?

MATT

I saw Daddy.

ZACK

Son, your imagination has run wild. There’s a lot more to nature than looking into water. What about birds? What birds have you seen out there?

MATT

I don’t know.

ZACK

Any flowers?

MATT

Didn’t look at the flowers.

ZACK

Trees?

MATT

I mostly look at the water.

ZACK

That’s part of it, but not all of it — and it’s the quickest way to get to hell. Thinking you’ve prepared yourself to commune with a higher being when you haven’t. I ought to kick your ass.

MATT

I’m just trying to do what you told me.

ZACK

Listen. Go out there and find me something from nature and bring it back to me. And I mean it better be the right thing.

MATT

What kind of thing?

ZACK

Have patience. Look around and wait for the object to find you.

MATT

How do I know if it’s right.

ZACK

You listen to the inner voice of your soul, dumb shit.

MATT

How can an object find me?

ZACK

That’s what I want you to learn. It will, if you let it.

MATT

I don’t know how to let it.

 

ZACK

When it happens, you won’t have a question. Take your time, and trust me.

Son, there’s a harmony to life. You don’t understand it in the least. I’m not sure if it’s possible for me to teach it to you — or for anybody to teach it to anybody else — but I’m going to do my damnedest to try.

ZACK

See, now I told you you’d know. You’re developing more intuition now — a deeper spiritual sense. Now get me some lemonade.

MATT

We don’t have any lemonade.

ZACK

Then make some.

MATT

I don’t know how to make it.

ZACK

You just squeeze lemons and add sugar and water.

MATT

I can’t do that.

ZACK

Then make me a glass of iced tea.

MATT

I can’t make that either.

ZACK

What are you? Helpless!

MATT

No.

ZACK

You gotta know how to make something or you’d die of thirst.

Don’t tell me a little shit like you drinks water.

Well, do you? Do you drink water?

Do you?

MATT

No.

ZACK

Then what do you drink, when you get thirsty?

MATT

I can fix a Coke.

ZACK

Okay. I could handle some Coke.

Here. You’re momma’s gonna walk in here in a second. I want you to show her this birdhouse and tell her you made it.

MATT

Did you make it?

ZACK

I bought it. Tell your momma I showed you how and you’ve spent all your spare time for the past week working on it. It’s a surprise, and it’s for her.

 

MATT

Thou shalt not lie.

ZACK

Thou shalt. Unless thou wants a bruise and a mouthful of thou’s own blood to choke on.

DINAH

Hi.

MATT

Mom, look.

DINAH

Hey, where’d you get it?

MATT

It’s a birdhouse.

DINAH

I see.

MATT

I made it for you.

DINAH

You made that?

MATT

Zack showed me how.

DINAH

Matt, this is nice! Such fine work. For me!

MATT

It wasn’t so hard.

DINAH

Matt’s father wasn’t a real...crafty...person. Thank you, Zack.

Do you have time to do some shopping? You need some toiletries, and some clothes of your own.

Tomorrow I’m taking you to another doctor.

 

DR. VOYOMER

Does he know how to sign?

DR. VOYOMER

He doesn’t look terribly distressed. Just mute.

DINAH

I intend to nurse him back to voice.

DR. VOYOMER

Would you please wait outside?

DINAH

Dr. Voyomer, I’m giving Zack a home.

DR. VOYOMER

Then he’s no longer homeless. But he’s still voiceless. Outside, please.

DINAH

Doctor, I’m a social worker. Zack’s voice was taken away from him by a society that throws away individuals. In order for him to get it back, an individual must rise above the general order of that society and commit to making a difference. I will be that individual.

DR. VOYOMER

Good for you. Please go out.

DINAH

I’m emotionally and ethically invested in Zack’s recovery.

 

DR. VOYOMER

Me too. Go out.

So, Mr. Davis — or may I call you Zack?

Zack, have you ever seen a psychiatrist before?

As you know, Dr. Ecco referred you to me.

He ordered a complete physical and conducted a pretty thorough ENT exam. Looks like you’re in pretty good health, physically.

There’s always neurology, one floor up. But I think it’s wise to stop in at psychiatry first.

Of course, I generally gather information from patients based on what they say. You present a unique set of challenges. For one thing, I generally work in conjunction with a number of psychotherapists. I diagnose and do med-checks. The therapist...listens.

Suppose we just start with a few "yes and no" questions.

Do you sleep okay at night?

How’s your sex drive?

I trust you like women.

Meaning, you are a heterosexual.

Are you in any pain at all?

No chronic, low-level pain — a dullness in the head?

No intermittent aches, or throbbing?

Do you ever catch yourself weeping?

Hear any voices?

Any ringing in the ears, or strange echoes?

Do you wash your hands a lot?

Any headaches?

Do you ever feel euphoric — very, very happy?

Ever tried suicide?

Thought about it?

Murder?

Compulsive stealing, or lying?

Can you read and write?

I see. Zack, I’m going to ask you to come back again and take a few simple multiple choice tests. Won’t take long. Would you do that for me?

 

DINAH

So, make yourself at home, Zack. You’ve got a room, some new clothes. Help yourself to whatever food you like. You live here. You’re a part of the family.

ZACK

Son, you may be praying a lot, and you may have contacted your daddy in heaven — but you’re not praying enough. Your momma’s going to hell.

MATT

She is not!

ZACK

She doesn’t believe in God. She puts too much faith in people. There’s no better way to end up in hell than that. As a matter of fact, she’s already there.

MATT

She won’t go to hell. She’s good.

ZACK

No she isn’t.

MATT

She gave you a home.

ZACK

Not for my sake. She did that for herself. She gives a homeless, handicapped man like me a place to live and then she gets to think she’s turned into a saint.

MATT

She hasn’t turned into anything.

ZACK

It feeds her superiority complex and her fake humanistic atheism — makes her think it’s okay. That’s the worst thing of all about your mother: the way she needs to feel like she’s better than everybody else. I tell you, the devil is in control of that woman.

MATT

He is not.

ZACK

He is. But you’re too young to understand.

MATT

She doesn’t believe in the devil.

ZACK

Makes her that much easier. I will say one thing about her.

MATT

What?

ZACK

She’s cute.

MATT

No she’s not.

ZACK

I know your daddy was crazy about her.

MATT

Shut up.

ZACK

She is cute.

MATT

Stop it.

ZACK

Cute, cute, cute.

 

DINAH

You’re leaving? Now?

Where are you going?

Zack, you’ll be back for dinner, won’t you?

I’ll have it ready at six. If you’re not back, we’ll wait.

MATT

Momma, don’t let him live here anymore. Please.

DINAH

Your problem is, you think about yourself all the time. Think about somebody else.

MATT

I’m thinking about you. And me.

DINAH

That’s why I want him to live here. So that you can see the benefit in thinking about somebody besides yourself.

MATT

I think about you. I do.

DINAH

I want you to go beyond just us. If you don’t get outside yourself, you’ll never be satisfied. I’m afraid you’re heading in that direction.

MATT

I’m not in a direction, Momma. But Zack is — a bad direction.

DINAH

Don’t be silly.

MATT

I’m not silly. I hate him!

DINAH

You don’t hate him. You just don’t want to share.

MATT

I do share, but Zack tells me to pray at the side of the lake and I’ll see Daddy.

DINAH

Stop lying, Matt.

MATT

I’m not lying. He could talk if he wanted to.

DINAH

You’re lying, and you’re being selfish.

MATT

I’m not selfish, either! He could sing if he wanted to. But he wouldn’t get to live here for free.

DINAH

Stop it.

MATT

And he wouldn’t get free food.

DINAH

See? You are selfish.

MATT

And get people to feel sorry for him.

DINAH

People should feel sorry for him.

MATT

Feel sorry for a liar?

DINAH

You’re the one who’s lying.

MATT

He’s the one who’s lying, and that’s why he doesn’t talk. So he can have one big lie instead of lots of little ones.

DINAH

Cruelty is worse. Go to your room.

MATT

I won’t go. I’ve heard Zack talk.

DINAH

You have not. Go to you’re room.

MATT

Not unless you say you’ll make Zack leave.

DINAH

Go!

MATT

Momma, please don’t let him live here. I think he could hurt us.

DINAH

Selfish! How many times do I have to tell you? Go to your room!

MATT

Momma, he’s a bad man.

DINAH

He is a handicapped man, and you are a bad, self-centered little boy who has no sympathy for a person who is disabled and won’t go to his room when he’s told!

curtain

end of excerpt

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